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its been a long while   
05:16pm 23/08/2007
mood: exhausted

wow so its been like 3 years since ive wrote anything in this thing i totally forgot i had one! so much shit has gone over this period of time to much to write in this journal maybe ill keep up with it if anyone still reads these. if youre out there and you still have me as a friend send me a post if i dont hear anything ill know its a bust and ill probably not write in this for another 3 years!

love and hugs 

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06:51pm 27/07/2004
  yea so had a wicked pissa day yesterday. first i get to work and find out a guy i worked with for like 6mo or more went missing last saturday. then we had bagels for breakfast at work and like the spazz i am i stabbed my self in the hand. it was pretty gross is was all bleedy and i could see the little fat thingys and shit. then later that day they found mikes body in the pond in dw field park in brockton. i think he killed himself, his car and wallet and cell phone were all there and his clothes were folded in a neat pile near the waters edge. i didnt know him terribly well but he was a super nice guy and its just rather sad.  
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04:26pm 22/07/2004
  so i havent updated in a while so i figured why not. i dont have anything terribly interesting to talk about it just the same old shit. this past week i have been so down and im not really sure why but what else is new. i come home from work everyday and sit in my room and cry. but who cares , nicole is sad, boo hoo. ive also come to the conclusion that i will probably live with my mom for the rest of my life. i really want to move out cause i really think it would help me , but i cant afford to live by myself and i have no one to move in with. and i been trying to go out lately and hang out with some new peeps and its been fun, but i just miss having real friends. i dunno im pathetic.  
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endless money pits   
03:06pm 10/05/2004
mood: angry
yea life sucks. my brakes have been stupid lately so i brought my car in to be fixed today. yea... its gonna cost me just about $800 to get fixed. i dont know where the fuck im gonna get the money . i fucking hate cars. im still paying for the piece of shit and now i gotta pay $800 to fix it. ahhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!! why must i always get fucked in the ass?
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10:05am 06/05/2004
mood: geeky
so i had to be in court today at 8:45am . i had to take the day off and use personal time because they wont compensate me at work.i got there at 8:37 and was out at 8:43. yea what a waste of my life, the kid already did time in jail or was in jail or something and has more jail time hanging over his head if he fucks up. and they were sorry for the inconvience and would pay me mileage. oh yay a whole wopping 10mi. hooray im gonna get a check in the mail for probably 5 whole dollars. yippee.
the commonwealth of massachusetts vs. "buddy willow"   
11:00pm 27/04/2004
mood: annoyed
this is so fucking queer , i got a summons the other day in the mail. it for the commenwealth VS some kid, and i like who the fuck is this. my sister got one too so im like what the fuck because the day they want me at court is next week, nothing like giving you notice huh. i gotta work that day and i can not afford to lose the pay. anywho last year my car got robbed in my driveway and the case is against the kid that did it. so i assume im gonna have to make a statment as to what of mine was stolen. i guess their charging him with larceny and some other shit and i want the kid to get what he deserves but it just sucks that i have to miss what and shit. hey i dont make alot of money so i need all the hours i can get. anywho hopefully this wont waste my life, i better be in and out. grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr........................................
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08:10pm 08/03/2004
The World Is MINE! by Demonac
You will conquer:Europe (except for Russia... I mean, only a MORON would invade them in Winter).
Your title will be:Prince/Princess (you didn't want to be presumptuous)
You will succeed by:Terrorism (mooning world leaders until they could take no more).
Your Enforcers will be:Ninjas (they flip out and kill people).
Your first act as ruler:Make smoking a capitol crime (punishable by execution).
(What happened after) Try "The World Was Yours! What Happened?" MEME to find out!
Created with quill18's MemeGen 3.0!
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08:08pm 08/03/2004
Are you a God? by Demonac
God/Goddess type:God of Evil
Worshippers:Mental Patients
They show devotion by:LARPing
Created with quill18's MemeGen 3.0!
08:04pm 08/03/2004
What crime will you commit? by Overdose2112
The Crime.1st Degree Murder
The date you do it.August 11, 2009
The number of years you serve in jail.13
In jail you will...be the bitch.
Created with quill18's MemeGen 3.0!
08:02pm 08/03/2004
What Makes You Sexy? by eva71
Sexy Body Part IsYour Eyes
Special Talents AreAbsolutely Nothing
Created with quill18's MemeGen 3.0!
one isnt the lonliest number...   
06:02pm 02/02/2004
mood: aggravated
life is definately overated. as we grow up its instilled in us by our parents, the media , our friends, that you need to go to school ,get a job, fall in love ,get married and have a family. well fuck that, fuck everyone as a matter of fact, im alone, and probably always will be. they say theres someone out there for everyone and i dont believe that,i dont believe that at all. there is no love in my life, there is no emotion, the blood in my veins runs cold, life has fucked me over. sometimes i wish that i was never created because i dont think i can handle how miserable i feel. no one can love some one who is unlovable. i hate being overlooked or being used as a convience. well fuck it im not going to waste my time calling people and trying to hang out with them b/c if they were my friends they would remember to call me. im done,thats all i can say . im not here for people use when they need something. and i know its sounds like i probably deserve to be miserable but god knows ive tried and now im just tired of trying. one isnt the lonliest number when the would sucks.

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01:36pm 28/01/2004
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06:34pm 03/01/2004
mood: content
well desiree was just home for a week and i had a good time. its always great to hang out with her, i miss it so much. we didnt do a whole lot but that didnt matter we still have fun. needless to say i was sad when she left. im just looking forward to the next time we can hang out. not to much else to talk about ill catch you kids on the flip side. happy 2004!!!!!!


p.s. i hope this year rocks
09:41pm 23/12/2003
mood: giddy
i cant believe that tomorrow is christmas eve. it doesnt even feel like it should be maybe cause im not in a very festive mood. but i do hope that everyone has a wonderful holiday whatever it be. i dont have much to say at the moment just wanted to say hi.

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11:11pm 20/12/2003
mood: aggravated
new york was good. conan o'brien was fun. they showed us on tv that was cool. but other than that nothing else is really spectacular. my dad gave me a fucking marble for x-mas. im not kidding its the size of a half dollar and it has a plastic stand, it was made by some guy name josh simpson. needless to say im a little depressed, and i know it sounds petty, but its like here tori have $150 for a bag here alison memory stuff for you ditgial camrea, oh yea heres you gift nicki , i cant wait to see here face when she opens this(his words), its a marble!!!!!!!! and another thing that bothers me is how i can go days without one of my friends calling me. that always makes me feel great especially when they say they'll call you or you call them and they dont have the courtesy to call you back. but whatever i just dont give a fuck anymore !!!!! im tired of wondering if people really love me or if they care or are my friends, fuck it.im gonna just take shit as it comes.

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hell is really a winter wonderland   
07:00pm 07/12/2003
mood: distressed
yea so i called out of work today cause i knew i wasnt going to be able to get out of my drive way so i went outside at like 4:30pm to wipe my car off and try to move it to the end of the driveway and three hours later my car only moved about 10 ft and now its stuck. i mean really stuck, my tires arent even moving. i really hate my life right now. i hope nothing is wrong with my car. can i just say i hate the fucking snow. i hate you i hate you i hate you. i wish you would disappear. snow is evil. everyone thinks that hell is hot and firey well i beg to differ . i believe that if there is a hell its cold and snowy and satan is wearing a big fur coat. my mom probably doesnt have work tomorrow so she said she'll drive me . she is using kenny's suv it has 4 wheel drive so she doesnt have any problem getting out of the driveway. and she said she'll call AAA while im at work to try to get my car out of the driveway. once again i hate my life and i hate the fucking snow even more!!!!!!!!!!!!


PS- everyone be safe if youre going out and about if you dont feel comfortable driving then dont call out of work and if they dont like it then fuck em. just give me a call and ill handle it :)
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the lonley life of the girl the world overlooked   
05:32pm 06/12/2003
mood: discontent
i wonder what its like to be loved. i wonder what its like to be missed. i wish i had friends. i wish i had fun. i hate being alone but ive come to accept that this is my fate. its impossible to love the unlovable. damn my life!!!! why must i exsist in a world where i dont feel wanted. i just dont think anyone understands me, and never will. i am consumed by sadness and i dont feel like fighting it anymore.but maybe just maybe my fate will change and i will be overwhelmed by happiness and love, but i wont hold my breath.

~the unlovable~
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aww poor kittie   
11:13pm 04/12/2003
mood: exhausted
i wonder what it would be like if you could never go past a certain point, like there was a gate in the middle of a path. the reason for that thought is that i was just watching my kitten and since we got her she has never been downstairs, we have a gate on my stairs so the dogs do come up, and shes never tried to come down. once she got brave and went to the gat but ran back up when i came up, just kinda weird, and random.

07:33pm 01/12/2003
mood: tired
so its been a while since the last update, nothing spectacular has happened. desiree came home for thanksgiving so i spent it with her. we had a good time. it makes me happy when she comes home i feel like im complete, i miss my best friend :(. when she comes home i dont want her to leave because its always too much fun. anywho, i saw cat in the hat on saturday, it was cute but not as funny as i thought it was going to be.
ive been working my life away. god how i hate my job.other day there was this lady who was buying an electric toothbrush and she said the price rang up wrong, it rang up for $26 she said it was $17 so i went down there and i didntsee i went back to the lady and asked her if it was in a display she said yes so i went back down there found the product and showed her that it was $26 and she was like no its not i want it for $17 so i went back down got the one that was $17 and told her they were different and she was like no i want it for $17 and the cashier was like do you want to go down there and show her where you got it and she said i cant believe youre going to make me do this, she came down and i showed her that there were no other $26 ones where the $17 ones were and she was like well there was a whole bunch of them over here before, so she tried to say that i moved them all , i was so pissed and she still was like i want it for $17 and i said i am not going to give it to for that price because youre wrong, so she wanted management and of course he gave it to her for the lower price. i was so angry can i just say i hate my job!!!!!!!and i hate stupid people. why do people feel like they can get something for nothing. people treat me like shit all day long and i just have to suck it up and deal. grrrr.
on a brighter note im going to the conan o'brien show one december 17th. yay i cant wait i wish it was here. its going to be so much fun!!!!!!!! me julie desiree and jonathan are going. its going to be amazing, he is my favorite late night guy. i cant wait!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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04:49pm 17/11/2003
mood: bored
so my past week end a half have sucked royally. i started getting sick over a week ago and i just thought it was a stupid cold and it pretty much was but i really started having a hard time breathing . i could only say like one word and i could breath. it was so scary but i decided that i would probbaly be ok but it got worse. i finally decided that maybe it would be a good idea to go to the er, so i did. i ended up being in there for like four hours or so. i hated being there all alone. they told me that the oxygen flow in my lungs was minimal and decided to give me nebulizor treatments and predonizone (SP?) to loosen my lungs, and i decided to quit smoking so in the past week ive onky had like 6 cigarettes and i havent had any today. i was so scared. it felt like i was suffocating. i just cried on the way to the hospital. i would have loved to have had a friend there for me. it was a pretty serious situation but i just kinda blew it off. i didnt like feeling like i could breath like i was gasping for each breath i took. but im better now. its taken me like 4 or five days to be able to breath normally, and i feel much better. yea breathing!!!!!!!! any who ill write again soon.

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